Mamas & Papas

Sick and tell

Just as men moan but at the same time show off their football injuries in an underlying proud, cave man manner I did something very similar with Isabelle’s car sick incident. In an M&S voice… not just any car sick, her first proper, horrid smelling, foody sick, car sick. YUK and all in her brand new, forward facing, only been used once before car seat. It sounds sick in it’s own right that I should choose to write about it and it is a bit but I was really pleased with how I applied myself to the sticky, sicky situation.

 

Driving along to swimming club I did a quick head turn check and there it was the surprise medley of fruit and stew sick, not a scent you would want to bottle or have as a car magic tree air freshener. Poor Isabelle, I quickly pulled into the side of the road and attended to ‘The wipe up of the Century’. After checking she was actually ok and having a word with myself that it was not a good time or helpful for me to cry, I took a photo… obviously! I couldn’t believe what an utter mess had been created it really was everywhere and I wanted to show Arthur what I had done that day. It’s good to share and communicate. So photo taken, I then rang Wendy. Why? I don’t really know, this sick thing is new to me and I needed other ‘new mum’ back up. I then thought should I ring my own mum to ask her whether she thinks I should take Isabelle swimming if she has been sick? Honestly a lot of silly thoughts raced through my head. By the end of it I must have used a full pack of wipes, it was so messy I really didn’t know where to begin. There wasn’t a Brownie badge award in ‘sick wipe up’ in my day but can you imagine the sewn emblem? Anyway I must say all in all I am pretty impressed with my sick clean up, poo nappy change and full outfit switch all on the back seat of a Fiesta. I remember being sick as a young child on the seat belt and that smell never fully went away, I can recall it, even now. The bonus thing here is I was only trying out the car seat it’s actually the one I bought for my parents to use in their car.

 

 

After swimming I sat with Wendy & Lisa and regaled the sick story with all the details and yeah I showed them the sick photo, just as my husband shows off his scuffed football injuries and yes they were well impressed with my clean up job and I sat there strangely proud of the ordeal. Isabelle sat there oblivious to all of it and nibbled happily away on a rice cracker and slurped her water juice.

 

Arthur said that Isabelle told him she was sick because of my driving skills but I am choosing to ignore that. It turns out it was actually a horrid bug that was very quickly passed to Arthur then to myself and then I shared it with my parents. It’s lovely to share Isabelle it really is but you don’t need to share everything.

 

 

The sick photo is not a crowd pleaser nor does it have an arrrrr factor but if anyone wants to see it let me know, it’s a corker!

 

Jeff Brazier: Introducing your children to a new partner

 

In 8 years of separation from the mother of my children I have introduced the boys to 3 girlfriends (not all at once) and there was always a set of self imposed rules that I followed out of respect to my children but, more than anything else, out of respect to their mum.

 

I was far from comfortable with the way I was introduced to Jade’s new partner all those years ago, infact I went absolutely mad! I opened the paper one day and to my horror there was a photograph of Jade, Ryan (the new man) and in Ryan’s arms was… my son!

 

The worst insecurities for any man/parent swept over me as I reeled from the sight of another man playing Dad to my little Bobby. I didn’t know he even existed! A little time passed and I accepted my sons being introduced to Ryan so quickly.

 

To take a positive I considered what I thought was the correct way to integrate the children into any new-found love of mine. But, was my viewpoint to be typical of the weekend Dad, and would it change when, through tragic circumstances, I became the all and everything?

 

I would wait a whole 2 years before I was in a position to introduce Bobby 4 and Freddy, then 3, to my next girlfriend. I had always assumed that for the good of the children it was best to be sure of your future with your partner before you go bringing her in, just incase it doesn’t work out and she’s there one minute, gone the next. I created a reasonable figure of 6 months in the early stages and I stuck to it.

 

I remember asking Jade if she minded, not that she could say much as Ryan had disappeared and the boys had since met Jack, who was introduced to the kids fairly quickly too. I wasn’t as angry about it this time because there were less misplaced feelings between us. I’ve learnt that if emotions are still running high you’re not likely to respond well in these situations regardless.

 

I felt like I had respected the kids, their mum, my girlfriend and myself by doing this, but was 6 months excessive? What would the rush have brought? Ultimately the main point was that it gave my girlfriend Amy the chance to get to know Jeff the individual before I unleashed Jeff the Dad. She fell for me in the natural, conventional sense and when I brought the kids into the equation it just cemented what we had because it went from strength to strength.

 

It’s funny how I was intrigued all that time as to how Amy would be with my kids, I guess it’s something we parents question from the first date onwards. It’s vital that we find someone who will add to our children’s upbringing, yet we have to leave that question unanswered until a reasonable amount of time has passed.

 

Young children will always like Mummy or Daddy’s new partner as long as the warmth and affection is visible between the adults, the kids can sense you’re happy which in turn makes them comfortable. I’ve often argued that two individually happy parents are often better than an unhappily cohabiting couple.

 

Parents can sometimes worry that someone is going to try to come in and be Mum or Dad to their children. In my experience the new partners are just there to be a good example to the kids and to support the parent in whatever way they need.

 

For the first time ever I’m the ‘new boyfriend’ in a child’s life and that’s exactly how I view my new role. Nicola, my current girlfriend, is in charge and I respect her every wish for Poppy, even if they do not entirely match my own views with my kids. There are no rules in parenting, it’s entirely down to the opinions of the individuals involved and that’s to be respected.

 

There are some rules when introducing others though so here’s a recap;

 

1 Wait until you’re sure the new partner isn’t about to run off with your best mate. It’ll teach the kids that relationships are vulnerable and temporary and they will be less likely to partake in marriage as a result. (Just my humble opinion)

 

2 You might genuinely dislike your ex-partner but you should do the honorable thing and give them a heads up that there’s someone on the scene and they’re meeting the children soon, after all if you don’t, the kids will anyway! Respect breeds respect, you may not get on and this news flash will inevitably sting but the fact you pre-warned will always be appreciated.

 

3 The scariest prospect for any parent will be meeting THAT man/woman that is with our ex, but it’s a fact that everything is so much simpler after the moment you first meet and shake hands. A lot of vulnerability can be experienced through wrongful assumptions about a person and what they are like.

 

4 Introducing children to children can be the biggest challenge of all so take your time, be patient and the first few occasions you mix them together should be fun activities at neutral venues. Your child will seek your attention slightly more than usual so lots of reassurance necessary to begin with.

 

5 The handover between parents can be handled horrendously when there is a frost between exes. Never underestimate how switched on to these ‘vibes’ even the youngest of children can be. You might not have ‘said’ anything contentious to the ex but you’ve basically just told your children you hate their Mum/Dad by slamming the door and talking abruptly or like a stroppy teenager. Kids get their self esteem from us, don’t let them grow up knowing there’s a disharmony between you.

 

6 On the first few occasions make the child think the visiting partner has gone home for the night before they go to bed and if they do sneak back in and stay the night (fine) make sure they are gone by the time they wake up! Kids need to think this is a really slow manageable introduction and that Daddy/Mummy’s partner isn’t just taking up full residence overnight.

 

7 There is an outside chance you might not actually like your partner’s child! In any such event allow some time and encourage your partner to do things with you as a couple more than you do as a family. If we love the girlfriend/boyfriend then we will learn to love everything that comes with them.

 

8 If you’re mixing your kids up with someone else’s regardless of how much you like the children or not, do remember to have an equal amount of alone time as you do family time. Sitting up watching TV together after the kids have gone to sleep doesn’t count!

 

 

 

A gold star but no mars bar

I really don’t know why I thought this but before I had Isabelle I thought my body would just snap back into shape a few months later, in fact not even that I actually thought it would snap back into EVEN better shape, maybe the figure I had when I was 23? I thought I’d be so busy running around it would just effortlessly drop off; I’d seen it happen to others. Some new mums had said to me “You will be too busy to eat and if you breast feed the weight will just fall off”.

 

 

Well news alert people NON of the above happened to me and I ALWAYS find time to eat, so when Isabelle turned 6 months I decided I wanted to feel more like me again and I embarked on the wonderful world of Weight Watchers. I’d seen the advert on TV with the ladies lip-syncing to Alesha Dixon’s song and I thought I want a slice of that tasty slimming pie!

The journey has been hard at times mainly because you don’t get enough daily pro points to eat 17 cakes and 12 cheeseburgers in one sitting but it is by far the best, most sensible and varied eating plan I have ever done. I love the recipes and going to my Sunday meetings for coffee, chat and a 2 pro point chocolate bar that I hoover up in seconds. This week though, I am very pleased to report that 11 weeks in and I am now at my goal weight and I get awarded a special key ring, what other incentive do you need people? Yes, there have been biscuit tantrums and I don’t mind admitting I have even licked my dinner plate, sometimes tempted to eat the plate but I have got there with sheer determination and brilliant support from the Weight Watchers crew and I feel amazing!

 

The days of wearing my black pvc hot pants are most definitely over, thank goodness but so is the figure that went in them so I knew my goal weight had to be an achievable one but also something to really work towards. I wanted to be at my goal by the time Isabelle was 9 months old and with two weeks to go I have hit it. Lets just hope I don’t put the 16.5lbs back on in the next two weeks. Arthur, hide the biscuits and stop leaving Hansel and Gretel crumbs everywhere.

I’m definitely a different shape since having Isabelle, my boobs have shrunk, my bottom has flattened and my stomach muscles don’t even know they belong to my body but I wouldn’t change any of that to not have Isabelle. Well, I would really like liposuction on my tummy as that is hard to shift no matter how much running I do but my Dad won’t pay for it so it’s magic pants and cling film all the way. It’s a small pay off for a gorgeous little lady chops.

In other news: The other day Arthur shouted upstairs “Jenny there’s an advert on TV you’ll be interested in I’ll pause it for you… Genie Bra. So helpful but seriously how is that man still my husband?

 

 

 

Michael Underwood: Ramblings of a New Dad – Part Five

It’s now been four months since Elijah arrived.  That’s sixteen weeks, a hundred and twelve days or two thousand six hundred and eighty eight hours. You might imagine in that time, I’d become a skilled parent, able to cater for my child’s every need at any given moment. Sadly, you’d be mistaken. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot in a relatively short period, but I feel like I’ve googled ‘understanding a baby’ and only read the first page of results and there’s still ten billion other pages to read!  Even things I thought I’d mastered, like putting on a nappy, have become tricky.  This is mainly due to the little man becoming more active as he gets older.  Whenever I want to put a nappy on him he has this habit of straightening his legs out like he’s been tasered.  Either that or he wriggles around so much I can’t get his bum in the middle of the nappy and nobody wants a ‘messy incident’.  I’m positive he knows what he’s doing too, but maybe I’m reading too much into the cheeky look in his eye and the huge smile on his face.

Since my last blog post, Elijah has begun teething, something I had recently read about and understood it may change his sleeping patterns and appetite. It turns out it also gave him the opportunity to introduce me to his two favourite new games, blowing raspberries and dribbling.  They were really cute at first, but now not so much. Now I don’t mind a bit of dribbling, after a heavy night out, I’ve been known to dribble a bit myself, but I have no idea how Elijah manages to not dehydrate considering the amount of saliva that comes out of his mouth. Seriously, we’re going through a significant number of bibs and should we ever forget to put one on, his clothes are sodden within minutes. There was me foolishly thinking I only had to worry about a baby being wet at the bottom end…clearly not! As for the raspberry blowing; I realise the vibration feels good on their teething gums and it was really funny the first hundred times he did it, but combined with the dribbling, things just get very messy.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had an unplanned facial wash from my son, who has the uncanny ability to aim his raspberry-powered dribble with pin point accuracy.

Angellica and I have just started having conversations about weaning Elijah at this four month stage.  I know there’s a lot of debate about whether it’s the right thing to do or not, but one thing we’ve learned is all babies are different.  I know the World Health Organisation recommend you wait until they’re six months old, as their digestive system will be better able to deal with the different foods and you reduce the risk of allergies, but I think you have to let your baby lead your decision. If Elijah starts paying attention to the food we’re eating and can sit up straight and hold his head up, I think we’ll begin weaning him.  At the moment he cannot sit up on his own, so we’ll have to wait a bit longer before getting started. I’ll let you know how we get on in next month’s blog…if we’ve started by then.

 

 

As he’s growing so quickly, I had to get an extension for Elijah’s crib last week.  I remember, just a few months ago, he looked so tiny sleeping in it, but it got to the stage when he could touch each end at full stretch and kept waking himself up. We still have him in our room at the moment and we’re putting off moving him into the nursery.  Once he’s had his next set of jabs and we’re happy he hasn’t reacted badly to them, we may make the decision to move him then.  That being said, I really like having him near us. There are many people who believe you shouldn’t let a baby sleep in your room for too long; otherwise they won’t settle when you do eventually move them out.  I totally understand the theory behind this, but Elijah has no problem falling asleep without us in the room. Hopefully this will mean he won’t have any trouble sleeping on his own when he does eventually move into his nursery.

 

 

Finally, I wanted to update you on the routine we put in place a couple of months ago.  On the whole, he’s been fairly consistent, sleeping for around eight hours from his 7pm bedtime. Since he’s been teething though, things have gone a bit awry and he occasionally wakes up at around 11.30pm and then again at 2am.  This has only been for a few days though, so I’m hoping he’ll soon get back into the routine. Last night was perfect. He was in bed by 7pm and slept through to 3.30am. A quick feed and back in bed by 4am.  He then slept through to 7.30am. I have no doubt that when he starts on solids we will be able to get him to sleep for twelve hours…at least that’s what I like to think!

22 Weeks – Dr Miriam, Your Pregnancy week by week

At 22 weeks

Hi

You’re well on your way through the second trimester and as your waistline has gone completely I bet you can hardly remember what life was like without stretch trousers! I hope my special set of blogs is continuing to be useful – I’ve so much still to talk to you about.

How are you feeling just now?

Usually you feel great during the second trimester and you get heavier! You’ll put on about 6 kilos in total – that’s more than at any other period in pregnancy – although only about 1 kilo is the baby. The rest is:

• amniotic fluid
• placenta – about the size of a teaplate
• extra blood volume
• larger breasts
• fat stores around your thighs and upper arms for you to make milk for the baby

You’re probably a bit constipated. Progesterone relaxes the muscles in your intestines, so they don’t push your food along quite so well. Drink lots of water and eat lots of fruit, vegetables and fibre. A good dose of figs and prunes will definitely work! Don’t take any laxative without consulting your doctor first.

You may leak small amounts of colostrum (thin, yellowish pre-milk) from your breasts this early. Mop up with an absorbent breast pad slipped into your bra.

You should feel some movements every day now, for instance when the baby hiccups. And there’ll be distinct periods of sleeping (no kicks) and waking (lots of activity). He’s able to hear quite a lot of what’s going on outside – he’ll respond to your voice and your partner’s by moving in rhythm with your speech, and he’ll begin to shimmy if he hears vigorous drum beats! So dance to the music.

You and your partner can bond really strongly to your unborn baby by massaging him together and having quiet sessions, just the three of you, with chilled music both of you singing and talking to him.

…and your partner…

Some more topics for you to chat through together about the Birth Plan –

• whether you mind student doctors or midwives being present during your labour and birth, if it’s in a teaching hospital
• what position you want to adopt to deliver your baby
• whether you prefer not to have a episiotomy if the delivery is normal
• whether you mind if the delivery of the placenta is speeded up with syntometrine or whether you prefer it to be delivered naturally

…and your baby…

She’s still quite thin and wrinkly, though more in proportion, and is now concentrating on building up fat. By week 22 she’ll weight about half a kilo (one pound) and be around 18 to 19 centimetres from the top of her head to her bottom (crown-to-rump). Close to a kilo in weight, he’ll measure around 23-25 centimetres by week 24. If born after 24 weeks he may survive in intensive care, though it’ll be touch-and-go. Let’s hope he stays put!

Remember

Stretchmarks!

What causes them?

Well pregnancy hormones break down proteins in your skin and making it less elastic. Don’t worry, though – you’re not alone. Around 9 in 10 women get stretchmarks in pregnancy, usually as reddish streaks across the abdomen, perhaps also on the thighs, breasts, hips and upper arms. But –

If you gain weight gradually it will allow the skin to stretch without those red marks appearing. Massaging with a massage gel will help keep the skin supple, but won’t remove the marks or stop them appearing. And that’s about it! Nothing else you do or eat will help. Fortunately, after the birth stretchmarks gradually fade to faint silvery streaks you’ll barely notice.

You may notice some other skin changes. Pregnancy may make your skin:

• spottier
• oilier
• drier than normal and
• more deeply pigmented
• tiny red spidery marks – all normal

…so you may need to alter your make-up and skincare routines to suit.

Bye for now!

Miriam

 

for more information please visit http://www.dk.co.uk/static/html/features/stoppard/intro.html

Copyright Miriam Stoppard 2012